This post is entitled 'Reflections' for good reason. The past year has been a long one and I would be lying if I said it wasn't a struggle. It's time for me to look back one more time before it all gets put in the history books. Just thinking about last year leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I experienced the highs and lows of my life in those 365 days. There is really no other way to describe it than to jump right in so...off we go!
Twenty twelve started off like a really good dream. I'm not talking about ponies and buttercups here...this was a really really good dream. I had everything: great friends, a loving family, and a girlfriend that any guy would be jealous of. This was quite litterally, my life.
Now this dream of mine hits a high point pretty early on...right around Valentine's day. Everything is going my way. School is rolling along pretty well, biology sucks, and I'm in love. Wait did I just say that? Go figure! A teenager who thinks he is in love. Crazy. When I look back though, that really was the truth. I had completely fallen for someone. Don't confuse me for a starstruck teenager. This definitely wasn't a 'make-out in public' relationship. We were grown-ups! We knew each other on a much deeper level. Nothing could stop us right? ...right? I think there is an echo in here. Echo!
So I set that up pretty good right? You know the bad part is coming, but you have no idea when or how its going to happen. Yay foreshadowing! Lets put it like this. I'm up high on cloud nine and I've somehow decided it would be fun to hop on this slide right next to me. It is obviously going to take me to an equally fluffy and white cloud so I just get on and let it take me away. The funny thing is...slides are one-way trips. Good 'ole gravity and what not.
I stayed on that slide for five months, watching all the pretty clouds float on by. In reality it wasn't the clouds that were floating by, it was me spiraling downward. I never liked those spiral slides. Cheeky Bastards. Anyway, this is where the dream goes sour. Remember when I had it all? Well, I took 'it all' for granted. I thought I had somehow earned my happiness and nothing could take it away. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The day I got dumped was the day the slide ended. You see, there was no fluffy cloud at the end. Not even a ball pit. Just open air. I fell fast. That feeling of falling has always woken me up from a bad dream, but not this time. I was living in a true nightmare with a world that seemed suddenly against me. Nothing on earth would be better than to wake up from this haunting reality.
My twentieth birthday rolled right on by. Summer was trickling away. You couldn't have paid me enough to stop crying and moping around. Sometimes money isn't the trick though. When I hit bottom several things happened. I recieved three phone calls in the span of a week. The first was a close friend of mine, the second was my mother, and the third was my grandfather. These people were quite litterally the angels that pulled me out of a bottomless pit. Now usually I don't buy into magical fixes, but let me tell you, this was the stuff of legend. I talked, I listened and I cried during all of it. This is the first time I can ever remember crying with my mom. See saw her son lying on the floor broken and started putting him back together before he even knew what was happening. That day changed me. The flaws are still there, but so are the good things.
After I pulled myself back together, I did some thinking. I analyzed everything that happened, that brought me down so far, and figured out that while I was at fault for some shortcomings, it wasn't all on me. This isn't a blame game. This is a time for learning. An event that shook my world has actually made me stronger, wiser, and maybe, just maybe a better person.
Friends and family are now the center of my world. They truly are angels. I have learned not to take those angels for granted. Sometimes we need to show others what they truly mean to us. Keeping to yourself is a slippery slide. Believe me, you don't want to take the slide. Remember to keep your loved ones, your angels, close. They can take you higher than even the clouds in the sky.
With love,
-Dev!n
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